Faults of coordination and subordination

Primer prose—too many short, simple sentences strung together with mind-deadening monotony.

I drank beer. I drank whiskey. I was still sober. I drank more whiskey. I was drunk. I slipped off the barstool. I staggered towards the door. I looked for my wife. She had gone home. I blacked out.

False coordination (Siamese twin sentences, in which elements are illogically joined)

She licked the chocolate from my lips, but the snow outside eventually became a blizzard.

Excessive coordination (in which all elements are made equal with and, but, and so, emphasizing everything and nothing)

I wanted to ski with Zelda and Hieronymus, but I couldn’t unless I had the x-rays done first, for I had been coughing blood after each cigarette, so I walked to the doctor’s office through the snowy alleys, and I got lost on the way.

My terror grew and the clock ran down, and I lost track of time, and I had to pee, and I wanted to stay in bed.

Upside-down coordination (in which the main idea is put in the subordinate clause or phrase)

She cheated on me from day one and had my brother’s baby and cleaned out my bank account, although I still loved her.

Careless use of connectives

(faulty)     Although Hillary is sex-starved, but Bill fails to satisfy her.

(correct )  Although Hillary is sex-starved, Bill fails to satisfy her.

(faulty)     Murder is a dangerous game and which often appeals to married people.

(correct)     Although murder is a dangerous game, it often appeals to married people.

1 comment so far

  1. MOHAMMED on

    fault coordination

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